Walk with me this way..

 You’ve chosen this.. you decide on this.. now the elemental of this passion is amiss.. no more sad poems.. no more unfulfilled “ what ifs”.. you gotta let go of what is not meant to be..  Talk about the melancholy of feeling melancholy to produce those poems from your sad unrequited love. And yet.. he’s here.. or is he? how do you really know if it’s forever?

  “ The world doesn’t revolve around you.”.. he said.. I wonder why he’d say that? I had this victim mentality all the while, the unrequited love, the one who got used, the one who was told more personal rudder things.. but I put them aside because I know i’m expecting too much from someone that I shouldn’t be expecting anything from. I think that was the “ closure” I was waiting for. Him playing the victim… funny.. It’s ok.. we meet people for a reason.. I learned a lesson meeting that person and now it’s time to move on..

  It really flies.. how time came so fast.. last June i moved to Paris and now a year and two months had passed. Also J said he didn’t want to meet B until we’re 6 months.. 6 months just flew by. Anyway, it was fun shooting the wedding in Canada. it was mostly a close family / friends party.  It was in a flower field.. It was interesting though.. I like shooting indoors and outdoors.. i missed shooting in the beach though.. I got paid and i like that.. i missed my paid photoshoots.. I wish id have more . if only i followed up with that wedding photographer job application, but i don’t want to work for anyone. I’d rather work on my own photography business here in Washington.. maybe when i move to Bremerton. Talk about Bremermerton.. it is our love oasis ..😂.. fun.. someday i hope i wont get tired of it.. i’ll tell more about Bremerton soon.

  Wow.. who would have thought? Bliss Fun Laughter Joy Working together Helping one another Giving each other to one another.. Seems like an incredible relationship .. plus no fighting ever.. ha ha😆😊.. i could not believe.. not even a slight misunderstanding.. “ I love you’s” everyday..  Scary though.. haven’t met anyone like that before.. we just vibe.. unbelievable really..❤️

  Here’s a new thing today.. Going to Canada to be a photographer for my son’s in-laws 40th wedding anniversary…what an achievement for them. and I thought 29 years is a long time. Also B will meet J for the first time..wow.. i think it will go well since B helped find J a car these past few weeks. I hope everything will be ok, I don’t really know how he’d feel if he thinks or compare his dad or there would be no comparison anyway.. B is a manly man.. b and charming i think .. lol.. only thing they have in common with W is they’re both anglo saxon. And I knew that’s what I wanted from the start.  Hopefully things would work out fine.. 2 hours in a car with a stranger , hopefully is not a lot.. lol Another stage in life.

  I get mad and i don’t think but then i regret..  but this time around.. i need to honor my anger..

  I can’t believe I survived working in Everett.. whew.. that was an experience. I’ve worked in Worldpac on and off but this time around with Canteen .. it was a full on 8 hrs a day.. 40 hrs a week except when we leave early. For a month! I vowed not to work 9-5 jobs anymore.. but i needed to do this so i can get my rate up with the Agency. It was tough picking up this boxes but im glad in a way because i lost 6 pounds.. which im so happy about.. Injust hope i didnt aggravate my back condition .. hopefully the Chiro would say ill be ok.. maybe.,  I don’t want to work anymore.. but maybe that’s good i can concentrate on my photography if ever.

  For some reason i’m still attached to Spock. I need to let go. He likes fucking with people’s feelings I guess. He admitted once that I liked him because he’s mean.. i replied, no .. I don’t like mean people. Who da fuck thinks like that? Yeah, mean people like him. This time around I’ve had it..Why show a photo that you’re in a hospital and don’t say anything. If he is dying, so be it…he’s a mean person anyway. played with my feelings..plus i’m tired of his toxicity .. time to leave him alone.. he ran out of chances.. Au revoir Spock.. Thank you for the tears, the unrequited love.. mostly the lessons.. but i was strong enough to leave and let go of the toxic relationship of a friendship? last year.. a person who only wants to take and take and not give.. i’m done.. Thank you God for this.. please take care of him wherever he is or whatever he does.. I hope he finds happiness..