Sentimental Way

 So, I was gonna watch this Hallmark movie..hahaha..Dongie loves to watch that..I tried not to before because I didn't want to fantasize anybody, or to feel romantic since I was still nursing my broken heart from previous years. Now that I think about it...I was the one who was breaking hearts..since I really wasn't ready for anything bec I was oblige (happily) to help Dongie with his sickness first. Sometimes I admit I feel trapped but then again, I am happy that I could help my best friend/confidante. I believed he helped me before so I would help him..that's what friends are for, aint it? 

It made me sad , the story...the lady just lost her husband and he told her ,'thank you for taking care of me."... she's like.."thank you for letting me take care of you."

Me, I was like...I think he did say thank you couple of times and I can feel he was thankful..but I was in "denial" as my kids said..I didn't want him to die..I thought if he goes to hospice that would be it..but then I'm like I don't want him suffering...All these years I was his advocate. I'd fight with doctors to tell them to give him the best treatment, I'd yell at his mom for getting him depressed by talking about her ailments to him.

I still cry..I still miss him..but I am happy he is at peace and not suffering. I just feel alone...maybe this is what all "widows" feel. 

I was trying to be funny in social media..they don't know..people who tries to make you laugh has the deepest pain.

Anyway..

Life is just is.. it goes on..doesn't stop for anybody..