Walk with me this way..

 I’m here now.. It’s a new day..a new beginning as it should be. Today, I vow to leave all the unforgettable pasts.. the sad ones that is.. I will just remember the happy ones .. Today, I sat on this sofa bed i’ve been sleeping on the past month.. and for the next 4 months I think.. lol.. I wonder when i’d get a real bed.. it doesn’t really matter as long as i got to be where I am now.. I’m happy.. Today, simple things makes me happy. seeing Aruka (shiba inu dog) beside me as I slept Anticipating my son to wake up so I can be there for him. Reminded me of Dongie.. making him his coffee and a little breakfast before he leaves for work. Today, I am Grateful for this gift of life. I will always be Grateful for my guardian angels who are always there with me. Today, I am happy and that’s all that matters, Today..

 Can’t believe i feel like i didn’t leave at all..  Went to Downtown Bellevue to do a shift.. as I drove there,I liked what was infront of me..reminded me that I’m really in the US now and i’m loving and grateful for every second I am here. I met new friends.. hopefully.. the people I worked with loved me.. they are awesome too.. Anyway.. life is beginning again.. I love that Josh is here with me I feel less alone.. but then he’ll be gone by Mar to June.. So I guess we make the best of our time . Been cooking him breakfast and dinner.. I guess he missed his mom’s cooking.. lol Life is short we must make the best of it.. can’t wait to see Mae in a few weeks.. i missed her a lot and Abby..

I've decided to give myself a break from Social media for a week or maybe in my Facebook only. I haven't really been inspired lately about what to post in my facebook.  I wanted to show off my photos from Paris, but I'm just tired of that place for now. What I really want is to inspire people so maybe I'll go back and try to answer as much Quora questions as I can. I do need to rest my mind also and try to meditate more.  As usual I am "delayed reaction"..it hadn't sink in yet that I'm really back...some part of me thinks I am just dreaming..lol...being from one place to another. That happened to me a lot the past few years when we've been moving from one state to the other..but this time it was a country to another country. then I have this urge to write so much poems...I wrote a lot in my journals.. but I want to start making them here again.. I feel I need to organize my life here first..

I've decided to ditch my "way" titles and just make it "now".. I am writing in the present tense, so it is really "now". January 25,2025..I decided to leave Paris. There were more disadvantages than advantages in staying. I realized, I do need my family around me. Plus all I did was "cry" from being sad and lost. I did some soul searching also. France or maybe Europe is not for me. At least I can say, I've been there done, that... We all have our journeys in life and I am grateful for the good and the bad experiences I had over there. I would have loved to have someone special there, someone I could have travelled with, hang out with and just get along easily...but I guess It wasn't meant for me to be there with someone special. Or it's not time yet for me to meet that special someone that would "tolerate" me..hahaha.. If I was meant to be with someone there, 7 months was a good enough time. But, I myself was not ready. ...

  I thought to myself.. I really am a romantic ..I’m a poet.. so I thrive on “ feeling”.. but alas .. it’s only thru sadness or pain my writing would bloom. Poets are desperate souls trying to equate their loneliness with the written words. Aren’t they? I find myself being more creative when i’m sad or in dire situations.. I would have made a great song writer even.. maybe.. Today, I drove with my son to North Seattle..then i got some random luck to save money and helping someone at the same time.

I watch a show with people saying goodbye to their dead loved ones..and I go into pieces... I miss Dongie...it had only been 2 years..how time flies. 29 years ago he was just there all the time. Never missed a day talking to him, hanging with him, making me laugh..taking him to his doctor appointments, dropping and picking him up from the hospital... It seemed like a "lifetime " ago.  So this dimension, we have chronological time..but in the others...Time is in no effect...that's what I heard. Einstein said, time is happening all at once...its so fast we don't realized it. Anyway... I know I'm still grieving..I know I am still missing him..I know he's just here with me, I can feel it.  I wonder if we were twinsouls, not really a soulmate ? but someone I had a contract in the other side to share this life with me. BUt I think, I learned a lesson for this lifetime.. That "Love is not a feeling"... Love is a commitment, love is unconditional...loving so...

That one photo that said this.. “ We can fix this, I can’t lose you.” it said , we deserve a person like this.. that is my family right now..  i’m alone in this when it comes to something called “ love”.. Love had abandoned me.. and that’s all there is to it.