Walk with me this way..

  That filipina named Regdna is giving me a hard time giving back my computer. She harassed me in Facebook for 2 days since she came back from the philippines so now I do not want to see her freaking face. She wanted me to go to her and get my computer from her, I;ve asked the daughters to help me but theyre afraid of her.  I do not want to see her because it might become a confrontation, That person is super mean. She's pushing me, now I'm exposing her for hitting and yelling at the old lady. This is really aggravating. I really need my monitor since I had a photoshoot yesterday and I need to hook it up to my laptop. I do not know what is going to happen.  I wanted to report her to the police for stealing my computer since she doesn't want to give it back. God I leave this all to you. I wonder why I had to meet such a person.

  How do you process grief? I should be asking this in my Quora.. Everytime I see a man in bed in a hospital robe, it always (never fails) to remind me of my Dongie. All thru our marriage , he was sick and I had to take him in countless surgeries , doctor appointments.etc etc But despite it all..he tried to survive.  I do not think he intend to die when he did. We always believe he would survive and live longer. It was al a shock to us...and me being delayed reaction.. I am still deciphering everything. I thought coming to France would ease my pain.  We were not inlove , but we've become closer thru the years. He was my bestest friend and confidante. Gave me confidence, my number one fan. I wish he's still here so I could share with him how it is here in Paris. I do like it here, but I realized that..we do have more freedom and opportunities there. My dream of travelling got shattered. It's about this and that ..cannot divulge it here. Yesterday as I killed time in Paris,...

  This title reminded me of that Tv show "Alone". The 10 contestants are placed in an isolated place somewhere like the "wilderness" and they are expected to surive there for how many days..The longer you stayed , the  more chances you win a half a million. They have no one with them, they have their own cameras or videos that was given to them to document their journey. I think they get checked every two weeks by a crew and not get helped by them .just to check their health. The only person to survived, since everyone had left because they can't take it anymore..bec they missed their family or their health was failing..wins! Well they joined the contest, so they put themselves in there. The only weapon they have is their knowledge and common sense. One contestant was so scared that a wild bear was going to get him , so he quit. He went home because of "fear", who knows if the bear was really going to get him. They were given some repellant for bears.....

 I finally got a model today here in Paris. and we’ll be shooting at the Louvre this morning..  How surprising.. I didn't know she was a Transgender. I found her in my facebook and I didnt know we were friends.  When she got there, she was a bit late..she approached me and apologized in filipino..then I saw that she was a transgender. It was ok since she is pretty and sexy I guess. And this is the first time I had sucj a model. We had fun at the shoot anyway since she knows how to pose already which I liked. Then I was hoping to see Quark, but he got very sick with flu..poor baby,, I hope he'll be ok. For some reason..we are being hindered..lol..I hope not. It's fun talking to Quark. Ate Josie also had her prayer group here in her place and I didn't want to be there. I did at the end, and they had finished the prayers and they were just gossiping..hahaha...women...lol I am alone now , for now, since she went to her work..which is just 2 hours cleaning an office. she sai...

I miss the sunny skies of Florida...😞   It had been raining the whole week and finally today the sun came out and the rain stopped. I think it will resume tommorrow. It looked so bright and sunny outside unlike yesterday.  I’ll try to go somewhere today since I need some vitamin D

 I thought I’d write down some love poems..  I just want to express my creative writing? lol It would have been fun if I could tell the world.. I have this.. I coulda, woulda, shoulda.. Life is too short to worry.. I guess as creative people do..  I do not give a shyte.. I can write whatever I want..  it’s my blogs  😆🤣

  So true.. We are all here in our own journey.. To learn and accomplish things that would need for us to grow.

  Ok, I've been stagnant in my photography...I know the rain doesn't excuse it. I vow to go out and take photos today. I need a bigger bag than the one I am using. I have a regular camera backpack but it's too big to haul around. I will find some. Today, I am being challenged to think more positive and try to learn that new concept LOL of ignoring the toxic people. I did before , I can do it again. Do not fuel the fire they said...so I'll extinguish it. I need to walk anyway because I do not want to gain the weight back. I wish I could join a gym here but i'll just exercise at home and walk a lot. I do feel rejuvenated already. The Ferengi is very entertaining. playing games...lol But, that too I have to extinguish...although there is no harm in being friends. Mostly I have Ate J , Myr and Marg. that's enough for me. I could use more if they are trustworthy. Even back in the states I had a few friends, after Covid, they vanished or I stayed away for Dongie's...

Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't...lol... I can't help it..if an idea comes to mind..I just felt like typing it down here. Some of my posts are short and some are longer.  I am actually grateful that I am not working this week, I believe that God wants me to rest. Imagine, I was picking up the old lady 2 times a day to put on and off her wheelchair. I would give a big sigh at times... Here's the sceneario.. "Bonjour Madame!! (cheerfully greeting her and looking at strainght in her eyes while she lays in bed. She'd look back and had a wonder expression like...who are you again?? LOL So I'd go...Madame!! do you remember my name??  and she'll still have that wonder in her eyes...I'd go..:it's Ange!!( in french) Je m'appelle Angel ! then she'd smile a bit..then I ask her again, "what's my name?;..she'd say, "Angel...slowly..and I'll go.."Yey! you rememeber!! So I did that for the whole 17 days, every morning! I wonder...

  I think I am being taught now to “ stand on my own”, make my own decisions without consulting anyone.  I always tried to ask other’s opinions on something that’s bothering me. Right now, I have no one. There are one or two but someone that I valued their opinion is no where to be found. I need to be stronger and more faithful.  I admire Myra.. she’d been here for almost 3 or 4 years and I don’t know who she confides to or how she actually survived and had managed all those years. I would be interested to know. Must be a good resolution. I’m currently home again so I have more time to jot down my thoughts.. 

  I'm feeling kinda weird sad because of the rain here in Paris. But that's not new anyway, when we lived in Ohio for 5 years I would get that SAD syndrome. It's called Seasonal Affective Disorder, its a type of depression that happens during a certain season of the year. I was luckier then because I had Dongie to be there for me. He was Awesome in making me feel comfortable about being depressed during those season, I wish I could find someone like that who would take me as I am. But it is unlikely since it will be one in a million to find such "kindred spirit" anymore. Obviously in Florida it never happened because it's Sunshine there the whole year thru.,,but im not ready to go back there if ever. Alyssa is there but I just want to leave that behind. Maybe California with Mae,Char and Abby would be better. Which reminds me, I need to save as much as I can here if I want to go back there,but I don't know ..I want to give this European expedition a couple...

 Yesterday I had a funny experience in the Metro , well funny to me. I decided yesterday to wear a skirt to meet Myra. Because she kept always commenting that I kept wearing jeans or leggings, so i thought I’d surprise her.  When I rode in the Metro, since it’s almost winter.. everyone was wearing black jeans and leggings.. and i’m the only one in a pretty pink skirts and white sweater.. 🤣😆 I felt i was the white in all the blacks.  But even back in New York when I was living there during winter I love wearing white. Last year we went to Switzerland I had a white jacket too.  I guess I’m like that, I don’t care if i’m different than everyone else. I don’t even like to follow fashion, I like to do my own fashion.

Something tells me I should keep on writing and not stop. I’m going to listen. So today I’ve met with Myra, we had a short lunch before she went to work. She told me about the bs woman.. ha ha 🤣😆 I’m over it. Also with the Ferengi. it’s a dead relationship and cannot be revived, like how Spock is truly dead now.

Ive been asked countless times now ,”why did you have to leave the US? “ The ones who asked me has a legit question, They think It’s better in the US than staying here in Paris. I said, I just want to experience how to live here. And I really want to travel as much european countries as possible.  I know I can go home anytime I want. But I want to do this dream first.. I have this purpose of documenting my life and travels here. It will be an interesting book.

  I guess it does help to have some friends who would listen to your angst.. maybe just so you don’t feel so alone, I’m not feeling particularly good what that person in Bastille did to me. But I am not surprised, if she said or gossiped negative stuffs about people.. I’m sure she’ll do the same to me… and she did. It’s ok.. At least i know I did my best and that’s all that matters. I feel bad for the old lady but I hope she’ll be ok.  Senior abuse indeed she’s been suffering.. but I’ll pray to God that it’ll stop and she’ll be ok. I wonder if the old lady misses me. She told her daughter that I was kind And that comment is all that matters to me , i don’t give a shit what the mean lady said 😆😆🤣

  Today is my last day here , Thank you Lord!so officially this is my third job here in France. The first two I didn’t lose weight but in this job i lost almost 6 pounds.. lol.. well it’s something. I guess i’ve been fasting at night and my workout was picking up Madame.. lol  I do need to exercise.. I need to get my body moving. Try to not eat after 6 pm and not eat a heavy meal. I actually feel lighter again. I’ve some dresses I want to get into. I see most women here in Paris wearing dresses..although it’s almost winter I don’t think they’ll be wearing dresses still..  My very first Autumn and Winter in Paris. I’m looking forward  to my  sister Joyce and her 2 kid’s visit in December. Anyway, I think once I leave here .. I leave  Quark behind .. it’s time to move on. Life is strange.. Maybe I wrote him down for this short time in my story.

 Dang.. it’s only Sept 21.. i forgot Edna comes back on the 22nd.. Tommorrow night. It’s ok.. I have today and until tommorrow night with the old lady.. She has a strange name though that is hard to pronounce.. very french name i think, so i simply calls her “ Madame”.. I wore a nice shirt yesterday and my jeans so i felt good the whole day..good thing i don’t need to wear” scrubs” like i did in Florida.. it screams nurse! lol.. even the Nurses tries to avoid scrubs and make it more modern looking. I still have 2 more nice shirts I haven’t worn.. i’ll wear them these next two days. I think i’m getting anxious leaving here but i try to have a positive mind..I think of my “ freedom” and I become happy right away 😆🤣.. i promise nothing like this anymore.. 2 weeks is all i could afford.. or i’ll go back to the US! ha ha ha.. just kidding.. i think i’m too independent to be in a live in situation again..  But Thank you Lord for having me endure this, plus I like my purpose.. shed...

 I just so happen to watch this Netflix movie.. a filipino rom com i think but it’s about these two teenagers who both has brain tumors.. Why am I seeing this? 

 I just finished watching Agatha in Disney.. I need to start packing but i’m procrastinating.. lol my last photo here in Bastille 

 So the saga goes on.  I'm dealing with a Ferengi ..I should have known this from the start.😯...duhhhh..I was mistaken about Spock..lol Well, they are mostly hated in the Star Trek universe because the only thing they love is "money"..yup..the Ferengi does that exactly. I cannot blame him..what did Forest said?, "Stupid is as stupid does." meaning, a person should be judged by their actions not by how they look. I didnt see how the Ferengi was acting..now I know 😆😅 I believe I had matured...again..finally...ha ha ha..I am learning not to take defeat or rejection at face value. I believe anyway, there is always a Great Reason why we don't get what we want..lol and I'll end it at that .

 T his red lanyard with the house keys and fab is my chain. Well for now, I have one more day and I am free of it. I can't believe I've stayed in for 17 days without going anywhere. Well, there was one day when I went to the 16th to try to get my package but even then I felt chained to where I'm at. I am not allowed to travel far from Bastille. Edna just told me I could since she had a husband who was staying behind when she gallivants outside. I didn't think of that. The old lady is not a baby but yet just "in case" something happens...and I had to leave when the stupid nurse didn''t come in early..lol...oh well, lessoned learned. Maybe next time I would not do this kind of "private home health aide" anymore. It is kinda restricking. I had never experienced this, not going anywhere until I willed it. Imagine even back in Florida I would drive for an hour just so I could go to work. I love driving..where I can listen and sing out loud to my s...

When I was in college, I remember for the first time my "sensuality". It is not what you thought it was. I remember we went to my twin's aunt's house and I don't remember why. But then I remember I was in my pajamas for some reason. Why I dont remember. Then when we were waiting for something, I was there standing and this "worldly kind of guy", he was still in his 20s I think..he was a guest in that house. I was standing there with my youth and naivety but I felt something different. I felt his "stare". I immediately felt the "magnetism" between us. It felt weird because I was in my pajamas and somehow I've attracted this guy. I think it was always like that for me, well when I was younger. I didn't have to make myself pretty or act a certain way..but guys would gravitate towards me. Maybe I had this natural beauty then...but when I was younger I really paid no mind to it since I had grown with insecurity. My mother had never...

I know what Abby thinks..lol..mom is doting on me again..her expression said,,lol   I wonder what the old lady thinks about all day. Well she wakes up at 9:30 and I help her. then put her in her wheelchair, then we go to the dining/living room and I open the tv so she can watch the news as I prepare her breakfast. She has no choice but to sit there and watch. She can't move, she doesn't even talk until I would coaxed her to say something. Then she finished her lunch also and I take her back to her room so she can take a nap until 4 or 4:30 pm. I wake her up then she watched news in bed as I give her snack and mid meds. Sometimes I watch youtube with her and show her different programs. She liked watching with me. then dinner, I give her a bit of food and she goes to sleep around 6:30 or 7pm. I guess she doesn't have much time to think of anything..just watch tv. She is being taken care of so she doesn't have to worry anything. She's 88 years old and bedridden. I do ...

 So I got what I wanted. "Drama"...hahaha I wanted to be inspired and write love poems from my heart.  I could not conjure anything... maybe because my mind was stronger than my heart this time around. I know that I was just wanting to talk to someone and that someone wasnt really into me. My mind knows before my heart does....how strange...the world had turned..lol Please lend me something my love..all. you. gave. me. was. tears. Tears that I know will fall as soon as I admit the truth to myself. He wasn't even my ideal. ok i'll try now...lol __________________________________________________________ The perversity of this affair..not even a love one My mind was vulgar enough to reveal in the beginning...this is going nowhere You had begged your heart to not listen to your mind or else this was just a passing fancy. It was all laid there...the intensity...the passion but your mind betrayed you I would let you in my heart, yet I know you were never permitted A strange...

 I remember this poster hanging on my wall back in Pembroke Pines.. whenever I am sad or have some struggles.. I always looked at it.

  You could really tell I haven’t been out in Paris .. all cooped up for 17 days in Bastille..  I don’t have any single Door photos for my collection/album.. maybe by sunday again.. What’s wrong with me.. i’m getting depressed again.. I want my Dongie to talk to .. argh

 I hope i get to until the end of December 2024.. i’ve been consistent in writing here and that’s a miracle! lol.. i would almost always abandon this blog one way or the other, i’m glad i’m getting good and consistent.. lol So i have 2  1/2 days left here in Bastille..  i kinda like the old lady and i love it when she smiles big.. i guess ill miss her. ugh.. life is just is.. i wonder what’s my next adventure will be.. hopefully by sunday i’ll know..

  Im really glad that people noticed that I really don’t like exposing my profile photos in FB. It’s  funny, I don’t mind it here. It just makes me uncomfortable when people starts posting comments like how “ gorgeous” I look.. lol.. maybe others liked those comments, I do appreciate them but really.. I do not want to be know as that “ gorgeous” photographer and my work getting downplayed.  I want my work to shine liked Picasso or Renoir or those other photographers.. ha ha.. I don’t have a favorite photographer.. so far I admire that old photographer “s work in Paris.. his name is Peter Turnley and lived in Paris for 50 years.. he’s also a photo journalist..so that’s why he’d been out there .. i think he’s in his 70’s now, but i think i won’t last that long.. Anyway.. i like to post/ use my photos here to somehow evoke how i feel about my blog.

 There is...if not one thing it's another. But regardless of all these..I am brave, I know I could do this thru God's help...I've gotten this far.. I am ok,,will be looking forward to my next adventures. This is the advantage of age I guess.. I am on this next phase of my life.  Although I truly miss Abby.. I've been able to avoid loneliness because she was there with me day in and day out..well unless I was working for a few days in Key Largo. It is so true, the love.."uncoditional love" of a pet. why there are a lot of widows who are content with their beloved pets. I wonder when I would get reunited with Abby..unless I want to move back to the US or bring her here with me in Paris. Let time reveal it. But for now I close with a disappointed heart..or maybe a learned heart... There really is no one for us except ourselves..it is good though to learn this lesson ( again) reminded me of my early childhood in Banawe. anyway..4 more days in Bastille...I am count...

This morning I decided to walk early to the Boulangerie for my favorite croissant. The regular boulangerie near this building was closed so i had to walk another 3 mins to the next nearest one.  As I walk there, I realized how Bastille (11th district) is super different from the 16th where I live with Ate Josie near the Eiffel tower. The streets are dirty here, reminded me of Brooklyn,NY. Miami is cleaner. LOL  As I walk slowly, trying to observe everything. I saw a dead mouse infront of me. An itty bitty dead mouse, then it reminded me of  Washington Heights in NY. I remember walking thru a park infront of the coop I lived with Tita Cita, the syringes on the ground. That was the 90s so I don't think they have that anymore.  This street I was walking on was just side streets I guess. And maybe it's sunday that's why they didnt clean the streets yet. i don't know. They have cobble streets here too. I know there are different places here in Paris wherever you go. I'm ...

  Tommorrow is sunday and the 2 daughters will be here. I hope they don’t come or if they do it’s ok.. at least they come once a week to see their mother . Please Lord I do not want to be in this 88 year old’s position. I know I brought sunshine and laughter for her..but when i’m not here ..I do not think her regular caretaker is as sunny as I. My point is, I’d rather pass than be in my bed and be dependent on other people to live. Or maybe, I was meant to be here for her since she needed some kindness and happiness even for two weeks.  I am indeed a patient person, I meant i’m patient with her and doesn’t want her to be inconvenienced .. unlike the other lady yells at her and maybe hit her a bit.. I would haunt that lady if I died and she was taking care of me..lol The old lady seemed normal to me, she laughs with me or smiles big when i’m trying to be funny and makes her laugh.  Anyway, one more week to go and i’m outta here again. I wonder what my next adventure will b...

  It started .. the uncomfortable feeling of the “ after math”.. lol Oh well..  ‘c’est le vie as the french would say.. I’m actually mature already..finally… lol I saw the old me.. overthinking .. I do not want to go back to that.. Actually as I think back.. I did just want to talk to someone before.. R was there but he quickly became “ toxic”.. i’m glad that i got over that right away.. but really.. I needed some “ drama” to invoke my creative side… why oh why must it be that way.. maybe I should just take “ drinking” like Edgar Allen Poe.. ha ha Or just because I had been suppressed those 18 years with my mom.. lol AnnaLiza was such a martyr..or a victim .. crying in the corner , feeling helpless.. I don’t know I’ve done a lot of living already and I do not expect much from life anymore.. Au revoir..

  It’s true.. nobody is here to help me.. I tried to reach out for help.. but i guess im on my own.. This day is always hectic.. super hard but i guess i know i am guided and somehow i get help.. Thanks Dongie if ever.. Everything is cool only when I have to deal with that chair. it was harder to pick her up this morning.. I took my time so i won’t get stressed. 

I went to church today and almost cried.. thinking of Dongie and my Dad..also my kids to get what they desire. I hope Josh gets that job and Alyssa &Will goes back to Florida safely. I also wish Char can find a job like Mae did.  And I really really truly truly miss my Abby.. So it’s 9:27 pm already and am not sleepy..my head hurts.. I’m trying to decide if I need to take  my camera with me from Ate Josie’s place.. so funny, i’m really into getting that package..😆🤣😂

  Damn.. 5 days just breezed by.. maybe i’m having fun here..like I said, i’m good at making the best of everything . Before u knew it.. times / days up.

 I forgot to write this down yesterday. After lunch I went to Monoprix to get some towels. As I walk down the street I see some stands there with pamphlets. Then there were police , a lot of police getting ready..I guess they have to be cautious just in case a riot breaks out. Then on the way home....it was annoying..the people had started the protest and was just jam packing the streets. I had to push my way because they were all infront of where I live. How funny, I never experienced this in the states..and here I am in France and I'm in the middle of it. I think they are protesting the new prime minister and they always do the protesting in Bastille. I kept saying, "pardon"," pardon" or Excuse me!! and just try to snuck my way into the crowd. Then someone said, "Welcome to France!!" Well I guess I am really experiencing a lot of stuffs here in Paris.

  I do enjoy this job specially if my patient is awesome. She always smile whenever she sees me. I am the first face she sees when she wakes up so I make sure i look happy.. well, i’m like that anyway wherever I am.. except when i’m super exhausted the night before.. 🤣😆 So Spock.. oh Spock where art thou.. he makes me scared.. i don’t know .. something ain’t right..  well..taking it slow.. i think he said he has a “ peter pan” syndrome .. lol. reminded me of R , and he was a narcissist .. gad… please no narcissist.. ugh..hopefully not.. i’m jumping to conclusions oh, the sun came up. i’ll brb

just outside last night   First morning was harder than I thought.. I need to find a better way for her.. but her legs contracts and her butt just hangs and she became heavier because of the insinuation of gravity .. not funny at all.. I almost got her to sit in the wheelchair but we both fell.. luckily in slow motion..lol..then I had to call their friend Frank upstairs to help me get her off the floor. I almost got her but for some reason she stiffened and started to clung tighter that’s why we fell. Edna warned me that she would do that.. I think it’s just an involuntary something .. she has a bit of Parkinson’s. Then after lunch.. I got her to go on the bed but her butt kept trying to go the other way.. I guess I’m really strong  after all.. I need to go to the gym..and try to pick up weights. so I won’t put her on the chair tommorrow or my back would break.. every other day would be fine.. Damn.. it wasn’t this hard when i was working in a nursing home.. anyway , I get 5 h...

I’m writing here with a heavy heart.. anyway.. nothing’s lost just my pride i guess.. lol.. Jo , but really.. Its hard to find “ genuine” people anymore.. why am i wasting time with someone who is obviously an “ idiot”🤣😆 Life is funny.. We need to laugh at things and not take things too serious or personal.. took me 50 decades to realize that.. geez.. 😄😜😉 Ok.. time to say goodbye.. Out of sight, out of mind..

We woke up this morning, meaning my roommate Ate Josie and I … it is raining hard, until now. I hope it subsides later so my luggage won’t get wet……… arghh…. times when I miss my car..😢 I was looking at some “mini coupe” yesterday while I was crossing the street.. I thought to myself.. I’m gonna buy one of that in the near future.. eh, wait.. a mini car??🤣😆.. I’m so used to my Ford Explorer and midsize Elantra.. thru the years we had big cars.. see…. that’s one of the adjustments you have to make when you live in Paris or in whole of Europe I guess… You have to have money in order to afford to have a big SUV , not because of the price but because of the space on your land.. lol Hopefully in a couple of years I could start driving again.. that’s one of my favorite hobbies.. “ driving”… all thru my marriage of 29 years .. I’m used to driving everywhere.. okey that’s for another post.. lol I am not nervous about this new endeavor.. I just need to open my heart more and be more compassi...

  I’ve packed yesterday for the 17 days i’ll be staying in Bastille. I think it’ll be challenging in the mornings only but after that it’ll be cool. I asked my guardian angels to watch over us. Paris is bringing me also different sceanarios in life. Just like in Miami.. so many places I’ve worked and so many people i’ve met these past few years. Hopefully I meet great quality people. Please Lord..I’d be most grateful.🙏🇫🇷

Let it be Angel.. don’t look that way again..  Wow.. so it’s true.  you’re thinking of someone and it’s bec they’re thinking of you. i’m done… Have to stay away from questionable people.  My Instincts said , “ it’s just no good”..

me thinking again..🤣😆😂   I really have a feeling that he will not be revived.. so strange.. one minute you’re ok and happy.. then the next you don’t hear anything. Again, why the mystery? Is it really hard to find “ honest” people anymore? why hide or lie? Life is short.. either that person is there or not there.. maybe that’s what he meant by “ i’m so forgiving”.. i’m just taking this like a grain of salt..  i might put my salt away and just pepper someone else 🤣😆😂 how remarkable that i can make myself laugh despite being disappointed .

b I saw the last episode of "Lost" and it always tears me up whenever I see it. Arghhh... So, what if... I could not bear Dongie's death and really I'm just in Paris because I said I wanted to be here when he dies.    What if, I'm really not here? this is just a projection of my imagination,,Something I need to do before I leave earth? But honestly, I truly believe when some says that this earth..our life here on earth is just a play you need to “star”in because you wanted to know how that life you designed would be. Like, being born as a twin then get separated from her and you both two different lives. Then being abandoned until you’re  4 years old then having the life you planned, like going abroad and having your family there. You see in a blink of an eye..you're gone.. you choked on something and you don't recover..you were taking a shower and you slipped then died.  I truly believe I will not get older than my 70's. I don't know maybe,,I also...

  I’ve a lot to organize today.. My stuffs for the next 17 days..  ok Angel… one step at a time.. lol I tend to think ahead.. we only have “ Now”… so be in the now.. lol

 I do wonder what my IQ is....lol I had learned a lot in this lifetime and I felt that I need to know more. I liked that I am able to write blogs, I just wish I could be guided how I could be better at writing and maybe earn some money from it. Besides that , I think my real purpose is to help others. I remember when I was working in the Casino, I am so lucky to find money on the floor..so many.. but I wasn't happy...it made me feel empty since I believe I am working there for the gamblers..I could not justify any happiness working for people "gambling" their hard earned money away..I do not want to contribute to it.  I'm about to embark on helping this old lady..I hope I am strong enough to pick her up 3x a day to sit on her wheelchair. I know I would try my best.. I feel so drained today, this cough wouldn't go away...spent 30 euros yesterday for some medicines. Unlike in the States, I knew what to buy..here their medicines are new to me..Im putting it down here...

 So I’m staying..  I am so happy my Faith in God is solid as ever. I thank Him for giving me all these blessings.. Anyway..last night , i had a weird dream.. I was looking for my Dongie and I was crying .. I thought i was crying so loud that I woke myself up but at the same time I wasn’t awake. I saw myself trying to suppress my crying because I didn’t want Ate Josie to hear me.I also saw my son Josh but he was actually my brother Jovian. He was just one year old.. I was confused why was he Jovian? My chest was hurting from crying.. I kept calling his name and I don’t see my Dongie anywhere..I wish he’d finally talk to me in my dream properly.. I know he must have I just don’t remember . Ugh I miss him and I truly know in my heart and soul that he is just around me helping me too.

  That damn song..lol.. "Wake me up when September ends.." It is a great Sept morning..I just called someone that needs childcare. 4 kids...but the 2 are big already and twin girls. The mom said she'll be home most of the time..that's fine with me. So, if I get the job I can stay...  I told Spock last night, giving up after two months..is not me..I vow to do whatever I can I told myself. I really do want to see Winter in Paris..."cold" probably..lol  Yeah, Spock got resurrected in my movie...lol I've sent him this quote,"someone will be obssessed with you..it'll be probably a dog..it is what it is." ha ha ha..then he goes, "woof!?" that's hilarious.. meh..no counting rainbows here..I live my life as it is.. Day just started..I plan to walk around later for exercise. Btw... I love my bestfriend in college Liza..she really is a true friend..didn't hesitate for a minute to help me or extend a hand..I'm lucky to have her a...