Walk with me this way..

Enough.  I think I was being told..You had one great "unconditional love" in your life and that is Enough. NO need to look for anybody, just be happy and content that you had experienced that in your life. I do miss Dongie so much..The guru said, that when you find that person..he will click with all your ideals. I had prayed a test when I met him, I asked God if he goes to my church then he's the one for me. And he did, 29 years later we are""kindred spirits. He was always there for me and I for him thru thick and thin. He listens and gets along with my spiritual theories? lol...I've got him into posit ive thinking, affirmations..and even a Baptist church to take the kids in Ohio. He was so easy to get along with. I want someone like that. Someone who would get along with my crazy ideas, or ideologies...But really, maybe there will be no one since, I had someone like him before and there would be no way that I would find someone like that again. So, I am ju...

i only had 3 good days before Overthinking came. But mostly.. its my conscience..you cannot trick yourself.. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.. some people becomes or overstays when they were meant to leave.. but it was my choice.. Ive chosen this..now i need to stop.. Enough..

Okey. I was a bit intrigued with what my friend M said, she said...my stories are not good. ha ha ha..  I didn't get mad. She said i have other friends, why am I befriending her so much.? I don't understand..Maybe she just wants me to leave her alone. I think she really likes her independence and being a loner. She kept saying , she didn't need friends who can't equal her spending. She doesn't want to invite people who cannot afford to spend money or has no money so she just rather be alone. I wonder why she thinks like that. I thought we are good friends since we go hang out . But then she gets turned off because she thinks I don't have enough money. But I want to save my money..I want to get Mae to visit me here with Abby maybe next year when I have that fulltime job. I dont want to be like her, as soon as she has money she just spends it.  I remember last year she said, she didn't get to pay her roommate because she went on a trip first. Maybe this year s...

  Damn .. I was just nudged by this voice.. Go Ober der Lits..  Do not go dat way.. It’s pointless.. all these idiocycracies of failed soulmates.. I just heard this guru i liked said.. Do not waste your time on somebody that you think in your heart is not right.. forget how good your conversations are, the intimacy, the good times.. But if he is not there for you. The foibility of the right guy in the wrong time..is nonsense.. If he does not fit your ideal.. there will be someone else that will fit..Let the guy youre trying to settle with “ go”.. Never Settle!! The guru talks like its so easy to find the right guy 😂🤣..  Nevertheless.. I truly believe.. regardless.. If its not meant to be.. eve  if you got that round peg in a square.. it will never be..

Does it matter if its social media ?😂🤣 Well, I really like my Quora because that is one place that i know i helped some people with some of their dilemma in life. They asked some advice on whats bothering them and I answer them..they read it and theyre grateful.. I started around 2016 and I have 1.2M views.. I truly enjoy helping people.  I do have different platforms. My Facebook , Instagrams and Tiktoks are for my photos. I have Flickr and 500.. i think , ive abandoned them..  i love being in Quora more .. second is Facebook.. ive abandone my Instagram since I haven’t been shooting portraits lately.. I should just convert it to landscapes. I really don’t know about if i really want to be famous 😂🤣😆.. I just want to be out there to inspire people.. Anyway..i’m surprised i’ve got 100,00 views in the space Pictures in Quora.. i love that people appreciate my work ❤️😔🥰

 Omg.. I miss my car.. I worked so hard these past few years .. I was driving all over South Florida.. from Key Largo all the way past Jupiter or West Palm Beach. I spent so msny hours driving.. It kind of became my “ sanctuary”.. sometimes id drive for one hour and  a half hour to Key Largo or WPB that and i loved listening to my music, my fave podcasts in youtube. Now when I hear certain songs and stuffs in youtube, it would instantly brought me back. I do however admit that sometimes I cry in my car while driving bec of Dongie.. I would talk to him amd asked him why he left too fast. I havent driven here in Paris except last 2022.. I wonder when I would be able to drive again.. My cars are with Josh and Mae.. The Elantra is with Josh and the Explorer with Mae.. both in california.. heres a secret.. i see these smart cars and I cringe.. lol.. i dont think i would like to drive a car like that after driving big cars. I wish I could drive again .. or start driving here in euro...

  I am sad that I get to babysit Z & A only till Thursday. I wonder if I would ever again once I get a fulltime job. It is really so much fun to be with them. I love playing with both of them. I would surely miss them. Then here i am can't believe about Q..well , its a matter of "let's just wait and see".. I f eel calmer now. No more sad poems..or dark..ha ha ha I was talking to Myra and she said she thinks my stories are "boring".  How funny.. I dont know why she thinks that way,, I am looking forward to my birthday next month..I want to lose that last ten pounds or twenty..lol I am tired though bec I have to wake up at 6 or 6:30 am..this will be the last week though. God is great.

I think I am feeling secure now here in Paris. I believe I would last year for maybe another 5 years? It's just a feeling. Also I am glad that I am not overthinking anymore. I know things will work out..how I know...I have this teeny tiny voice whispering in my ear saying..I just need to hold on a bit longer.  I still miss Dongie... I wonder how he is. I dreamt of my mother the other night and I was so surprtised since I haven't thought of her for awhile. I actually woke up upset because she was in my dream. I wonder if I reconcile with these toxic people, would God give me a quick pass so I can leave already because I had learned to fully forgive? BUt how do you forgive if you knew something wrong will always happen with these kind of toxic people? Anyway, it's a great day..Q sent me a photo of his counter that he fixed this morning..how interesting..It's a greatr thing because your place is your investment, might as well take good care of it. Fine, I miss him...I wond...

  So many “ firsts” here in Paris.. Q always says to make a wish each time😂🤣. Ok I will.. This is the first Fall back time i experienced in Paris.. Oct 27,2024.. a week ahead in the US. It’s true though, the sun stays up later here in the summer , 12 hours.. unlike in florida maybe not as much.. I remembered last summer at 10 pm there’s still sun. This morning, 6 am is totally very dark.. Anyway, i couldn’t sleep last night.. it was a grand time indeed.. if only i could preserve that memory..it was truly awesome..  i’ll try to put some photos later in the other blogs.. i just didn’t have time yet

 Forgot to write here last night bec i got busy editing photos.. Oct 26, 2024.. I shall not forget this day..Awesome cool stuffs.. I wonder how .. I guess people live with a lot of stuffs around their house so they dont feel lonely.. so many memories I think from a previous life. I wonder if he’d moved on or maybe not yet.. whichever it is.. i wouldnt know i think until much later if i fimd the inner working of this person.

 Let’s see if the universe agrees..  if not.. then.. its not.. lol 🤣😂

 Went with the kids to Paradox museum today. furst we got lost bec we didnt cross the streer butbthen we found it. They had fun and i took a lot of ohotos..  I didnt like my image in the mirror.. i knew i lost weight but i know i need to lose more .. im still overweight. I vow before my birthdat ill lose the extra 20 pounds.. I will be morivated this tear bev it will be my gift to myself.. regardless if i didnt like losing my butt.. lol Q is still around..am just going tonbe thankful at least hes one of my close friends now.. 

  What a cool kid ..  i hopw she doesnt get tired if her little brother. I wish i had a big sister like that.. Q is just gettimg weirder ever second.. I need to stop..

  Had a wonderful time with Gut and Z… i was looking forward since I love playing.. lol 😂🤣.. Gut didnt ran out of things to play with.. lol I’m thankful God gave me them to take care of even for 2 weeks.. I wish my gc to be would be like them., I would have a hell of a great time! I wonder how many they would be.. back hacking with Q.. thats our piglatin in the store back in new york.. lol Let it be, let it be.. the Beatles said.. 

 Enough already.. Revisiting the imaginings of your own self worth… masochisms as you wonder.. what is going on. You are braver than this..  Life goes on..  Be happy. Be Aware. Ignore.

  I can feel that physically.. I am so aware how alone I am. Although I know you are watching me.. trying to make me feel youre there. I would weep in silence for there is no one there to listen I would wrap the air in between my arms..  that lingering  feeling that, when I closed my eyes.. you are enveloping me in my sorrows.. and then I would feel a calm..

 I’ve  a bad instincts that the interview tommorrow is questionable. I hope it’s legit .. kinda weird

  Why , why ?? maybe the story is not done yet.. I dont know.. ill leave it all in God’s hands.. im going to start documenting everyday.. soon ill be busy with the kids so that is actually fun..can’t wait to see them. for now im happy.. everything is smooth and im Grateful for each day.

  I’ve decided i will just be busy with my photography from now on and just document things. I still don’t see any followers in this blogs.. i wonder if people can read this.. if not it’s no biggie.. Yesterday was an adventure. I am not going to do that kind of thing anymore. Looking for a new friend.. i meant i’ll just let it be.. Life must be lived now.. funny, my roommate finds it funny that i meet people .. well i guess her life is so limited with her circle of friends. Good for her, I will be content to be alone for now.. ☺️

 Right now I just hate them...hate them because it made me want to fall inlove too. To be honest, I do not really know how to fall inlove anymore. I think falling inlove requires two people feeling the same thing and if it's not mutual....it's just "unrequited love." Which I often write about in my Quora...Empowering young women or people alike to not fall for that. We have to have a healthy self esteem to "walk away" from something that is not good for us. A guru once said, It's their loss that they don't like you back..but I say, it's just it..."they're not your person." so just leave it be. Love stories deludes your mind with the notion that maybe you can fall inlove like that too...like in the movies..ha ha...maybe some did, those lucky few. I just realized something.. I am learning a lot here in France. The lessons are tough..but I am learning. I told Mae last night what happened to the mean lady. I told her to just relax, stay...

I just started to work out with Taebo again, in youtube! lol I am so glad that they have it there. This was my favorite work out back home. I love Billy ! he really helped me a lot, plus I love kickboxing even for just a cardio. I miss all the moves in the video, and I actually sweated a lot.  Damn, this was in the late 90s and my kids were all in elementary school in Ohio. I remember working out in my big living room of our house there...arggghhh...we take for granted what we have. But I think it was time to go when we had to. I wanted to go back down to my regular weight of 145lbs again. I have a lot to lose. I'm a bit muscular already I think..lol..so I think by working out I would have muscles in exchange of losing fat. I think that is better. It felt good to be working out this winter so I can chase the SAD blues away. I will be working soon with kids and I have to be on my tiptoes..although, Auguste and Zoe are 4&10. I hope we could go out once in awhile instead of stayin...

  I've worked out today with the kettle bell I bought yesterday from Decathlon. I walked 20 mins from home to get to the store..it's like their Sports Authority store here, then I walked home with it for 20 mins. It is only a 6lbs one, my starting point. I felt rejuvenated after the work out. I wanted to go out but it's raining again outside. I do feel so alone when I am not working a job. I like it in a way because it is free time, but if i'm just cooped up inside then.. Anyway, hopefully by the 21st I've lost at least 5 pounds.  Again I am aiming for the 20 lbs loss before my birthday on November 29...Hopefully I could do it. well , I lost ten pounds in 2 weeks I surely can do it again in 2 months. It's 3:26pm here in Paris and it had been raining since this morning. I had worked out this morning but I'm cooped up inside. I don't have anybody to hang out with. I thought someone would invite me...but I guess not...hahaha Fine I'll go out by myself.....

 It’s about time Angel.. You need to accept things as they are. There are people out there that are meant for you. You are in a strange place so learn to “Adapt”.. This is so far the toughest 3 months of your life.. you try to nonchalantly denied that it is because you believe you are a strong independent woman.  You knew you're strong mainly because you have “ faith in God” that he watches over you with your guardian angels. It had always been like that ever since you were a little girl.  you can do this.. just like anything else, if it’s meant for you to be here then it is.. if not the the book would close. Move on from people who really do not care for you. Enough self masochism. You love yourself to not stick with somebody who doesn’t care. Just let go and let God.  Someday he’ll come along.. whoever he will be and he won’t give up on you . Life is too precious to bother with such a person. Someone who doesn’t love you.. others will come if you give them a chance...

I am watching this Netflix movie while editing photos, she's dating a Rabbi and she's not jewish..so she is called a "shishka". It made me think of Dongie. I remember back in Ohio, I was considering to join a jewish church. But it didn't materialized because I love "christianity" more. But now, as I am older...Religion doesn't really matter. I wonder if I had influenced him with all these NDE's I introduced to him. I wonder if over there he would say, "hey, that's what Angel was talking to me about."..lol I hope he could come to my dream and tell me..we had a "deal" to visit one another whoever comes first. If he ever had, I don't remember.. OH he's saying the Jewish prayer....arghhh...made me miss him 😔 Their story is different he's a rabbi.. I actually invited Warren to come to my church (non denominational) and if he came..then he was for me..And he did and actually joined us. That was another story for the...

  What does it feel to truly "kiss" someone? If someone would ask me.. I kiss with a passion...but to my one and only  I savor the tenderness of each touch of our lips. His taste around my mouth, his tongue that played with mine. How or what do you really feel? I always closed my eyes, his smell drove me crazy like I can't get enough of him Even with just a kiss, my senses were hightened Where or which part do you enjoy to be kissed? Anywhere that is sensitive that made my whole body shook I felt  his lips, his touch, his aroma...how delicious he smelled while he was kissing me. I felt his passion back equated with mine. I just thought of him later after we said goodbye I got shivers all over thinking of the way my body and his had enjoyed that kiss. ok enough...ha ha ha...I say that too ..lol.😆😉

Never let you go by Sergio Mendez Ill never let you go, im gonna hold you in my arms forever. For some reason this song just popped in my head. I like this song but it was ironic. I associate this some with my sister and her crush. We had a party in my house, i think it was her birthday. And she had a huge crush on V. she didn’t know, V and I was “ on” already.. lol.. i think that was a teenager thing or maybe a filipino title or something.  Being “ on” means your bf and gf already. We kept it secret because my mom wouldn’t allow me to have a bf yet in highschool. meanwhile my sister was crazy over V. That night since it was her birthday, I told V to dance with her. I think he didn’t want to but he oblige. I didn’t really feel any jealousy since I knew he was “ mine” already.. So every time this song comes up.. I think of them dancing together.  I’ve heard about V as of late. I saw his photo on line and he had lost his charm. He was really handsome, cute and had a big shoulder...

 Then one by one the stars would all fall down.. When i was younger , Ive always wanted how to fly. So that I could ho wherever i want to go. Mayve escape.. Then ive learned to just endure and learned to sacrificed for the love of

I did a post for MH before. I think I didn't published it.. Really...If I'm a narcissist..I'd be happy... I'm just bothered that...why is it that the one we like doesn't like us and the one we don't like ..likes us a lot. If only MH was intelligent like the guys that I like. It's hard to find somebody that can be your level( he's 6'8ft 😖😂.).... I think...unless you want to compromise or settle. I think I did that with the narcissist..hahaha..😖 Anyway..he's sosweet..too bad we're not meant to be. I do not like taking advantage of people. Even when I was in highschool..so many guys (heh) lol...gave me love letters and chocolates...and I sent them back. The only time I did take a box of roses and a big stuff toy was from V. .........ugh.....that too ...we're not meant to be...but he was my puppy love, I think ...although I wasn't really ready for any relationships back then. I remember , there were some guys who did come to my house t...

I need to cleanse this trauma..I couldn’t get past all this .. How do I go on? what should I do? I am actually happy today about someone defended me from the mean woman. It’s really true..she should be grateful that she got someone to replace her last minute. Instead of nitpicking me.. I didn’t sign up to clean her messy room and mop the freaking floors of the whole place. That’s why I didn’t. The deal was to concentrate on the old lady, which I did. it’s unbelievable that other person defended me instead of my roommate. She’s such a pussy I guess.. I had always been loyal to her , told her these old bitches talk bad behind her back..  Anyway… it’s over and done with.. I miss Spock.. ugh

 That song… you could easily make me happy that I know.. but Ill try my best to never tell you so.. ill make my own poems in a few.. The door is widely opened go on and slide thru  as swiftly as you had entered. NO more games No more pretensions My dignity had thinned and I do not want to 

 I remember now why i dont like parties.. I always feel like a fish out of water..😩 well, we went to a filipino small get together.. Ate J’s family.. and they all know each other .. and It felt weird We went two get togethers.. this morning it was a birthday party of her sister in Christ. Someone complimented me.. she said she can tell that I move differently. She said I looked and move classily? That I have a different “ aura”.. I lile that kind of conpliment..

  I saw a psychological fact saying, when people sleep less that means they are happy (maybe they're too busy to be sad) But, if someone sleeps a lot that means they are sad. The other day Ate J asked me..."what do you do all day? Do you sleep a lot?"...I said, "no, I don't like sleeping in the middle of the day." I go on my computer  ,I continue telling her that I don't like to do that. To me it seems like you'd be wasting a day when you just sleep. Back home when It's my day off, I do my chores. I take Abby with me wherever I go. Ugh, I suddenly miss her. Oh I got distracted...ha ha ha..I just saw on my phone 10:10 that's the second time today I noticed that. It's an angel numbers..these repeating numbers like 222,333,444 or 1111. Let's see what 1010 means.. Angel number 1010 is closely associated with personal growth and spiritual development. It serves as  a sign that you are about to embark on a transformative journey of self-dis...

 I told a friend yesterday, I had been to the US for 35 years and I've never experienced something like this. I had to go to a Polices station here in Paris. I've never stepped into a police station back in the US. Yesterday morning, I prepared myself to go to that mean woman's place. Wait for the physical theraphist and she will just hand me back my computer. It was funny because I can see the theraphist doesn't want to get involved. But I've asked her please, "just be a witness" just in case that woman do something bad to me. She obliged ,but she said she really need to get to her next appoinment. We rang the bell together and the woman was on the third floor window ,so I've asked I'm just here to get my computer. She was yelling down at us because she was up there so I had to yell back to tell her what I needed. We went up, she opened the door and she started yelling at me saying why I had to get other people with me. I said, I just came here to...

 🤣😆😂   …. I’m laughing at my title.. lol Well, me going there .. lol🤣😆 just being funny.. yup.. moment of truth.. hopefully.. everything will run smoothly.. I had listened to a Buddhist audio last night… in layman’s terms,                           "Keep your cool, woman!” 🤣😆 I friggin’ will.. I’ll be like.. “ Talk or better yet, Yak to the hand!!” 😂 Life is so strange.. I've been meeting all sorts of freakin’ weird people here in Paris. Lord please.. no more “ freaks” pluzzzzeeee!!   s'il te plait.. ok.. that’s Sassy Angel talkin’.. lol Last night I talked to my daughter Alyssa. She said she’s depressed because one of her friends committed suicide😔.. she's her age. I told her, i'm calling you now .. just in case something happens to me tommorrow.. lol She wasn’t amused.. We have a lot of healing to do.. my bad is I overindulged them when they were growing up.. Gave her all that I didn't ...

  It’s kinda weird this memory. I knew that my Dongie said he saw me and he knew I was to be his wife. It was like “ dejavu” with him. I think it’s something about his jewish faith also. I forgot what it’s called. But I do remember when we first started dating , he said.. he’ll give it a month before he says “ i love you”.. That’s kinda confusing.. if I was the one why would he wait a month ? although I think it had to do more with being “ twin souls”..  I think he felt that he was supposed to be with me..and I did admire that from him.. maybe there really isn’t a “ love at first sight” But then 29 years … a long time to be with your twin or kindred spirit.. We got along well..I did became his caretaker or shoulder to cry on as he was mine. Ahhhh… hard to find someone like that nowadays.. And surely , I think I remember.. He gave me a card after a month stating that he loves me so.. 

Time is up.. We need to move on.. Life is truly short, lots more things to do out there.  Why be in the wrong place when you can be in the right place? It's too precious to be wasting time.  Have to break out of this jail I am putting myself in. The vulgarity of this long overdue drama. whew!! I do not Chase, I Attract.. . “La vie continue..”  

Maybe being in a relationship isn't about Love or being “InLove”. I think it's mostly because you have a lot in common with one another and that you get along pretty well. I would admit here that I wasn't inlove with Dongie when I first met him. He was inlove with me though. He said, He saw me and he knew right away that I was the one for him. I was so surprised when he said that because he just met me. I however, learned how to love him in due time.And we've become very close as time goes on and became my bestest friend and confidante. 29 years together thru thick and thin.  We got along so well, like a "twin soul" or "kindred soul"..that it was easy to live with  him and eventually love him. He was a great partner,husband and father to  our kids. Plus he really had a kind heart and soul. If I was the strong and impulsive one..he was the calm and understanding one. Everyone said that we would never last because we were so opposite. I guess it's ...

 I I love this song ever since I heard it...it's an old song..but I love the melody..  I don't give second chances anymore though...when I was younger yeah...now...it's like....nah....you're done! Au revoir! Next!!! LOL😊😆 Since you been gone I feel my life slipping away I look to the sky And everything is turnin' gray All I made was one mistake How much more will I have to pay Why can't you think it over Why can't you forget about the past When love makes this sound babe A heart needs a second chance Don't put me down babe Can't you see I love you Since you been gone, I've been in a trance This heart needs a second chance Don't say it's over I just can't say goodbye So this is love Standing in the pouring rain I fooled on you But she never meant a thing And I know I ain't got no right To ask you to sympathize But why can't you think it over Why can't you forget the past When love makes this sound babe A heart needs a sec...

  Hey, time won't wait Life goes by Every day's a brand new sky Every tear Comes to dry All that really matters in this crazy world Is you and I together, baby Just remember The first leaves off the tree The way you look at me A thousand chiming church bells ring The simple things are free The sun, the moon, the stars The beating of two hearts How I love the simple things The simple things just are So here we go Let's just dance Teach my soul to take this chance Put my heart In your hands Out of all the moments that we leave behind Turn around and tell me baby We'll remember The thunder and the rain The way you say my name After all the clouds go by The simple things remain The sun, the moon, the stars The beating of two hearts How I love the simple things The simple things just are Oh, the ocean and the sky The way we feel tonight I know that it's the love that brings The simple things to life The sun, the moon, the stars The beating of two hearts I love the way th...

  I have that famous post about giving someone some leeway, then if it happened --it's all good ...If not, then Delete and Block,,, ha aha I do not intend to waste time anymore. I do not want to play games anymore. I will stop my insanity , my denials, my stupidity, lol Life is out there...Live it! Love is inside of you. .. I realized that now, not bitter but happy because I knew this all along. I remember when I was an abandoned child, I'd play out in the sun all day. Nobody there to dissuade me..Lita go home! nobody... I would be running all over and felt so free. Well I was a child so all I knew at the time was just to "play". I think that is how to be single. Just "play" out there and enjoy your life. I do not mean play sexually...lol...I"m still a bit conservative for that. I'm too choosy and when I do like someone..I tell them but most of the time..I meet people I don't like so, "tigang"...hahaha..that's a filipino word for ...